Beep
by Coffee Anon
Summary: Who would have thought a new phone could bring so much hostility!


**Hi again all! **

**Finished writing a ten-page paper and decided to give myself a bit of a break! Hope it makes you guys laugh as much as it made me when thinking up the concept!**

**Disclaimer: Bleach is owned by Tite Kubo. I, myself, own nothing of his work.**

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><p><em>Beep. <em>

Click click click click click.

_Beep._

Click click click click click.

_Beep._

Sitting at his desk and hunched over the textbook that could only gain a fleeting hold on his attention, Kurosaki Ichigo trembled with so much rage that the room quaked. Nearby, the other person in the room seemed oblivious to the growing black cloud hovering over the young man's head. The gigantic knot on Ichigo's forehead throbbed menacingly. He had not had any peace and quiet in days.

_No,_ he thought to himself, "_days" doesn't seem to cover the extent of the annoyance her new toy brought him_.

And by "her", the orange-haired shinigami meant his height-challenged, irritating, and sometimes homicidal companion.

_Damn midget_.

"…"

_Beep._ Click click click. _Beep_. Click click…

"Oh, for the love of Kami! What the fuck are you doing, Rukia?" Ichigo screamed. Slamming his textbook furiously on his desk, the Shinigami turned to the dark-haired girl lounging on his bed.

The pair of violet eyes quickly blinked up through a curtain of black hair, piercing the angry molten brown eyes of Ichigo. He was quickly losing some of his fury which was swiftly being converted into dread.

"What is your problem? Just because I got that new phone with texting from Urahara doesn't mean you need to be so jealous," she sneered, unaware of his true reasons for being angry.

Ichigo had to hold himself back from throttling her or pulling his hair out of his head. Yes, it had only been a week since Rukia had gotten the newest Soul Society cellphone with texting capabilities and already Ichigo was ready to go bankai just to destroy that phone to pieces.

_Tiny little pieces. _

_No, smithereens._

He took a few deep breaths to calm himself from losing his "tranquil" composure and doing something that would inevitably cause him pain. All at the hands of the tiny woman staring him down across the room.

"Look," he began solemnly, "it's FINE that you have that new phone but why is beeping all the time?"

"Oh. I'm just texting Renji and Nii-sama since they bought the new phone as well."

"…"

_Beep._

Ichigo had enough.

"RUKIA!" he began…

"Ichigo!" he was cut off by the sound of Yuzu's voice drifting from downstairs. "I made you and Rukia bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwiches. Will you or Rukia come downstairs to get it?"

After a few choice words were passed between the pair, Rukia huffed, "Fine! I'll go get them. Just go back to your damn homework already!"

Leaving her phone on the bed, she strolled downstairs.

_Finally, some peace and quiet, t_hought the young shinigami turning back to his book.

_Beep._

_._

_.._

_Beep._

_._

_.._

_Beep_

_._

_.._

_Beep._

Luckily for the phone, Rukia returned holding two sandwich plates on her hands. Passing one to her irritable nakama, she plopped on the bed to read her newest message.

"Why is that phone beeping so much?" Ichigo couldn't help but ask.

"Nii-sama and Renji are just letting me know how their days are going. Hmm… Just. Giving. Ichigo. A. BLT." Rukia spoke out loud as she typed out her answer to the two. Shutting her phone she grabbed her sandwich, happily taking a bite of the wonderful flavors.

Suddenly, the sky seemed to grow ominously dark and a demented, furious aura filled the air. Almost immediately two figures in black robes appeared outside Ichigo's window.

_Now what_? The frustrated teen turned to see who was there.

Byakuya and Renji stood in all their Shinigami glory. Ichigo was going to ask them what the hell was going on until he noticed the flurry of pink floating over Byakuya's shoulder and Renji's bankai form coiled out the window. Ichigo's eyes widened as he noted the purely murderous and hateful looks in both their eyes.

"Ichigo, I'm going to kill you, you bastard!"

"Kurosaki. Care to explain why my sister sent me such a vile and improper text of your activities. Or should I just go ahead and destroy you?"

Wide, confused brown eyes turned quickly to similarly perplexed violet ones.

Rukia quickly grabbed her phone and zipped down to the last message. Looking up with embarrassed and nervous eyes, she told the now utterly terrified shinigami…

"My phone may have sent them the message 'Just giving Ichigo a BJ' instead of 'Just giving Ichigo a BLT'. Whoops."

"RUKIA!" Ichigo cried but before he could continue the two angry Shinigami spirit energies spiked.

Ichigo quickly grabbed his Substitute Shinigami badge and within a second of being forced out of his body was in bankai mode and flash stepping as far away from the bloodthirsty Shinigami as possible.

All he knew was that if he survived that phone was going to meet its end.

_A bloody, gory end._

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><p><strong>This is inspired by Damn You Autocorrect! I love that website. ^.^<strong>

**Thanks for any reviews!**


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